On My 1st Mother's Day Eve...

It always seems very late at night is when I do my best thinking.  Everyone else snoozing, all is quiet in the house.  I'm left getting bags and clothes ready for the next day, and thoughts swirling around in my head.  

Tomorrow is a special day for me and my sweet Sadie.  It's my 1st Mother's Day as a Mother.  A day that for many years was full of bittersweet, is now a day full of anticipation.  

Mother's Day was an internal collide of emotions for me in the past - joy in celebration of the wonderful mothers in my life that have shaped me in to who I am...grief over lost pregnancies...longing to be a mother...guilt for feeling selfish...

So very many emotions that usually left me in a very unhealthy place by the end of the day.  

This year, on my 1st Mother's Day, our little Sadie Hope will be dedicated at church.  A time to stand before our church family and friends and publicly commit to raising her in the admonition of the Lord, and asking for their partnership in holding us accountable to our commitment.  Both of our families will be there, and most of the day will be spent in celebration with them.  A very special day, indeed.  

My heart is so very full.  Our lives have been undeservingly, overwhelmingly blessed by parenthood.  Sadie is an answer to a prayer that my heart has cried out for many, many years before she arrived.  What a gift she is!!  

This was seconds after my miracle baby breathed her first breath, and I got to look an answer to a 10 year old prayer square in the face.  

Before Sadie, was a big ol' open gaping wound on my heart induced by infertility and hurt.  And, while that wound has healed, I still have the scars.  Scars that remind me what we went through.

  

The trials.  The disappointment.  The loss.  The waiting.  

Scars that remind me to never take this gift of motherhood for granted.  How thankful I am for the scars.  Scars reap perspective and gratitude.

So while I have no doubt I will enjoy and savor every moment of my 1st Mother's Day, the scars of years past will keep those that are still waiting for their 1st Mother's Day in my mind.  How I pray for those that are still waiting for their miracle.  That God would give you peace and strength in Him and the truth of His Word.  That while you are hurting, you can find refuge in Him.  That this Mother's Day would not be one of pain, but of a renewed trust in His perfect timing and plan. 

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9..."Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12..."Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your hear." Psalm 37:4

For those that are still waiting, you are loved.  Dearly loved.  And, not forgotten.  

And, for those that held me up with your words of encouragement and prayer through my journey to reaching motherhood, let us rejoice in God's faithfulness!  Thank you, Father, for my 1st Mother's Day!!