Sunday, May 22, 2011

You're Gonna Miss This

Tis the season to hear Pomp and Circumstance all across the land, and I have heard so many Seniors this year say, "I'm leaving and not coming back" and "Graduation day couldn't have gotten here sooner" - I remember feeling a little bit like that myself, but oh how I wish I could go back now!!  Not for long, maybe just a day or two to remember the care free days of no job or responsibility and the day to be filled with friends and worrying about what our plans would be for the weekend ;)  Ahh, I definitely miss that!!  

When I heard this song the other day, I immediately thought of those kids graduating, but it also made me think of myself in the here and now.  I have such a bad habit of "wishing life away" and having the "can't-wait-til-itis" that I almost let life quietly and quickly slip by and not enjoy the season of life I'm in...and, I know if the day comes for Brad and I to be parents, I will definitely at times miss the "before babies" season such as:

*  sleeping in late on Saturdays
*  making last minute decisions to go on weekend trips
*  spending money on things just for Brad and I - although we all know I certainly won't mind buying sweet little smocked outfits! ;)
*  the quiet!

No matter what season of life we may be in - fun or not - there are always things we can find to enjoy about that season and cherish the time we have those things. 

I'm gonna enjoy life today - what about you??

Monday, May 9, 2011

Another Year Survived

First, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to my mother, who is without a shadow of a doubt my rock in life.  I have no idea where or what I would be without her, and I am so blessed to have just known her.  She is an example of God's grace, and a reminder of what a true lady is.  I love her beyond words!!

Alright, just to keep it real - y'all, yesteday was a hard day for me.  I share this with caution because I do not want to sound like a whine bag or that I'm search of being consoled...believe me, that's not what this is.  And, I am so happy for the millions of mother's out there celebrating - maybe even for the first time - the precious gift of being called Mom.  However, every Mother's Day is hard for me - it's a "in my face" reminder of the 6 year long longing in my heart that hasn't been filled - but I usually glide through just kinda holding my breath and keeping the tears at bay.  The week leading up to M.Day, I had prayed HARD for the Lord to help me get through the day with strength, to remind me of His promises in my life, to be filled with joy and love for the wonderful mother and mother-in-law I have, to not allow the day to become a day of sadness, and by all means to please help me to hold the tears back


to protect the "innocent" I won't share the nitty gritty details, but to say I "cried" at church would be the strongest understatement of the year...much more like an "ugly cry" situation.  Not pretty.  And, please don't think something or someone hurt my feelings by doing or saying something heartless because that was not the case.  It was very much the opposite.  I was completely and totally overwhelmed by the gentleness and love in actions and words by a few special people and the tears could not be stopped.  I kept trying to stop, and they kept flowing.  I got mad at myself that I couldn't just STOP, and yet...the tears continued.  No one that I know of even saw me crying, but I was so embarassed by my tears and felt like I had a red flashing arrow above my head.  When we got in the car, I burst in to tears again and told Brad how I had prayed and prayed the days leading up that the Lord would help me to not cry today, but today had by far been the most emotional Mother's Day for me to date. 

And, in Brad's way that he always does, he spoke truth over me.  He said, "Hayley, sometimes it IS better to just cry.  Sometimes not crying is just not the best thing at that moment."  The truth in that statement: Just one more reminder that it's out of my control.  It. Is. Out. Of. My. Control.  The tears.  God's timing.  A baby.  Being a mother.  Sometimes even the littlest things - like crying - need to be done despite our own willing because we (i.e. "I") never need to lose sight that everything is out of our (i.e. my) control, no matter how much we (i.e. "I") try to control life. 

Doesn't take the longing or sadness away.  Just reminds me - "I'll never leave you, nor forsake you" is truth, and "I will give you the desires of your heart" will be in His perfect timing.  And, sometimes it's ok to not be able to hold it together, but to just cry. 

I've shared this video before, but it so perfectly shares what this hard journey called "infertility" is for us.  No matter how our journey of infertility ends - whether getting pregnant, adopting, or neither - we will never ever be the same again. 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Praise You In The Storm

The loss that my great state has endured the past several days has been so overwhelming.  Last Wednesday night, numerous tornados ripped through our state, leaving unsurmountable devastation.  My heart is so sad for so many that lost their homes, lost their "normal", lost family members.  I've heard story after story of mothers, fathers, and children that were swept up in the wind and are no where to be found.  Sooo very sad.  My family was so very blessed - with the exception of a couple trees down, and the inconvenience of no electricity or water for several days - no one was hurt. 

Although we don't understand natural disasters like this, we trust our God is a mighty God, and much bigger than even this.  We praise Him for the lives spared, and for this opportunity to serve Him by helping others. 

Please pray for the thousands of people still without power, no homes to go to, and that have lost loved ones.