Saturday, November 21, 2009

"I'm Thankful For" - 3rd Edition

It's been a strange week. Not an overly busy week, which is incredibly unusual. Not a week that I have been running in 15 different directions at one time, which is out of the ordinary.

So it sounds like a great week, huh? Well.....it should be, and it would have been if I could have just let it. But, it's been a week that I have been fighting battles within. And, probably for the rest of the world, that sounds kinda weird. But, for me, is something I deal with on a pretty regular basis. Having been on enough hormone therapy and fertility medication for 3 years to make any one female LOSE HER MIND...I understand "feeling unsettled".

It's been a week that everything has royally gotten on my last nerve....feelings that I had let people down has gotten the best of me...tears have flowed uncontrollably, trying to come at very inopportune times...and, the piercing feelings of inadequacy, bitterness, discontentment, and loneliness have swelled inside.

The cold hard truth is there is little to nothing that anyone - including myself - can do or say to make it better. But, when this fight from within comes, there is one thing that I can do to find respite from the battle - talk to my Heavenly Father, which sometimes comes out more in cries of desperation than just pleasant conversation.

So, for this, I am thankful this week (I know you were wondering why on earth this was an I'm thankful for" post!) for my Lord and Savior.

I'm thankful that when I feel so completely unraveled, I can come to Jesus.

I'm thankful that when I can't even get the words to come out of my mouth, but only weep before the Lord, he understands the groanings of my heart.

I'm thankful that I can be honest, and hold no thought or feeling from Him, and they are safe in Him.

I'm thankful that He loves me inspite of myself.

I'm thankful that I can lay every burden at His feet...and walk away.

And, believe it or not, I'm thankful for the storms He allows to stir my spirit because these are what draw me to Him.

Thank you, Lord, for loving me. Thank you for making my load less to carry. I trust in You, and believe in faith that you know my heart and what I wait with hope for. I thank you most of all for saving me, and allowing me to serve Your children with my life.

So, what are you thankful for this week?

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