Monday, January 25, 2010

It Has Finally Hit...

Cabin Fever, that is. Or, I'm-Sick-And-Tired-Of-This-Broken-Ankle-And-Want-To-Do-SOMETHING Fever. Which ever one you would like to call it.

I've went to school (for half days) last week, and I have been to church 2 times. I have been at different family members homes to visit/spend the night/be taken care of. And, I have taken a trip to Wal-Mart and a trip to Hobby Lobby with Valerie - both of which involved me riding around in a wheel chair...so sad, I know. That is it - in 19 days.

On Saturday, Valerie let me DRIVE around my neighborhood, and then I drove to Brad's parent's house (which is only about 3 miles from our house). I felt like a bird out of her cage. A REBEL! But, I was quickly put back in the cage due to rising concerns from those that love me... *Sigh*

I have not cooked a meal in almost 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!!!! Holy Canolli! For some, that would be a happy little vacation, but I am soooo ready to be back in my kitchen. Of course, with Brad not being home, there hasn't been a need for me to cook big meals; but, when he gets home he'll be ready for some good Southern cooking and I'll definitely be ready to deliver! In my cooking "sabbatical", I have been researching and looking for new recipes and I have found tons that I can't wait to whip up! One of the first will be these Red Velvet Cookies...yum yum yum!

Through all of this, I have learned something about myself that I really had never realized...I LOVE routine. I LOVE the predictability of a regular schedule.

And, in one quick fall and break of an ankle, I have been completely stripped of my independence, and have been totally taken off my normal daily routine.

Two things that I desire soooo very much.

Two things that I can not have right now.

It. is. about. to. drive. me. CRAZY!

But, once again I know the Lord is teaching me. Refining my heart. Taking the noise out of my normally hectic, planned out life so I can hear His voice.

See, normally I'm Ms. Independent - living my life thinking I'm in control. Normally, I go through my day-to-day routine, and juggle my many responsibilities in chaotic ease. Normally, I live in my controlled, planned out but hectic world and am happy as a clam.

But, lately I've been forced to be Dependent with a capital D. Lately, my day-to-day routine has been thrown out the window and had to be based on who's house I'm at and who can take me places. Lately, I have lived in a dependent and completely out of my control world.

Without coincidence, the Lord has reminded me of His need for me to live in the "dependent and [recognizing] it's completely out of my control" world. His need for me to recognize there needs to be more of Him, and less of me. That once again, I must trust Him...lean on Him...depend on Him. And, that my false sense of being in control is just that - false! That I need to be willing to live in a state of unpredictability. Willing to be used. Willing to serve. Willing to let Him lead. Willing to take life as it comes. Willing.

Even though I'm about ready to climb the walls and am SO READY to jump in my car and head to wherever in the world I want to go, I'm thankful for what the Lord has allowed to happen. I'm grateful that life's chaotic noise that normally fills my ears has been forced to stop, and has allowed me to hear Jesus speak to my heart.

...and, maybe I'll learn something from this so I don't have to break a bone the next time the Lord wants to teach me something!!

1 comment:

  1. Hayley, thanks so much for the comment you posted on my blog the other day. You are so sweet, and I appreciate your prayers more than you know. I am also praying for you. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to wait upon the Lord for that long for a child. I pray He will provide quickly for you and your dear husband. Thanks again, Hayley.